I heard this phrase this week and it made me think “If you make a connection to your audience you are no longer alone.”

I chatted to people at work and I realised that if you have your audience with you it becomes a “conversation” rather than a speech. I think that making a personal connection is the best way to reduce anxiety.

I came up with these bullet points that may help with that “conversation”:

· Ask a direct question – when you ask one (or all) you have a response – you are no longer alone.

· Ask a hypothetical question – What do you imagine would happen if…..
Would you agree that if we ….I have often wondered if…

· Make a surprising statement – give a startling fact
Research indicates that… Didi you know that…..

· Bring in experiences you have shared with your audience (if possible)
Do you remember when we …..Going back to ….I expect you recall
that…

· Announce some interesting news/information (do your homework!)

· Create possibilities for the audience to make gestures or actions
Ask for a show of hands…..get people to close their eyes and imagine…
Ask a couple of people to come up and share their ideas (if appropriate)

· Relate an anecdote

· Use props for a demonstration

Above all enjoy the experience and your audience will too!

Jackie Arnold

A theme has arisen this week where I have had a couple of clients question me on being assertive and handling aggressive people. I remember being taught to stay calm and speak quietly when faced with aggression but lets look at that for a moment. If you feel angry or upset about something and you go to someone who says quietly and calmly “Yes, I see…Yes, well no need to get angry” or “Oh dear you are upset, calm down” How does that make you feel? Do you feel frustrated and even more angry when someone is so calm and quiet? Does it even make you want to try and make the other person feel like you do too? At least then they would understand wouldn’t they?

If you know about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) you will know that this has a completely different take on handling aggression. In NLP terms “pacing” is a technique that I have found invaluable. Not just for handling anger and disruption during a speech but also in day to day discussions and when coaching executives. If you “match” the other person’s tone and pace BUT use positive calming language the effects are much better. If we take the example of someone who challenges a speaker duing a presentation. Let’s assume they suddenly shout out “What did you say, I strongly disagree with that view, no way is that correct” Not following the NLP route you may respond calmly “Please, I’d prefer it if you wouldn’t interrupt the session” This could lead to further comments or angry remarks as usually the “disrupter” is wanting attention. Following the NLP model you would respond as follows: Keeping the same tone and pace “Yes I see you strongly disagree with me and I’d like to hear your views, let’s speak after my presentation” This has two concequences: Firstly it shows that you respect the “disrupter” even though they have not respected you and second that you have really heard what he said as you used “his” or “her” language. (another NLP technique) and matched the pace and tone of the person. Also it enables you both to save face in a difficult situation.
It is very useful to stop and consider just who these supposedly “difficult disruptive people” are. As a matter of fact they are just like you or me but at this time they are feeling anxious, hurt or frustrated. They may feel powerless to express their opinion and this comes out more aggressive in the heat of the moment then they had intended. It is always up to you and your attitude and demeanour in a situation like this. If you stay in control, speak with authority and remain calm but firm, you will win through. It is up to you whether or not you allow one person to disrupt your speech. There will always be the typical “know-it-all” and the eager “must-get –a word-in” or the sarcastic “you must be joking” types. It is they who have the problem and are seeking attention or a sense of personal worth. Keep in mind that most people will want to hear what you have to say, so keep your cool and stay focused. Above all do not take the disturbance personally or let it affect your delivery.
Jackie Arnold

HI
Yesterday I was delivering some training in communication skills to a group of 16 Business Executives who are often faced with speaking and presenting to the media. All was going well and then we had a break for lunch. The venue was a very nice hotel and of course there was a bar as well as a buffet provided.

After lunch we resumed the workshop and it became very apparent that one person had had a little too much to drink. He began to speak very loudly and was obviously going to be disruptive. At first I just ignored him and carried on regardless. No joy! He was really being a pain. I couldn’t get the attention of the group and things were getting out of hand.

Then I remembered a couple of tips that I had picked up from Hermain Hilton - her words came back to me “You can only be heckled if you believe more in the heckler than in yourself” So I turned things around by walking up to the offending person and standing right next to him. I smiled and said “This is your workshop and I don’t want to waste your money so I’d like to let you know you have the right to remain silent” Turning to the whole group I said “Please make sure he exercises his rights”

Everyone laughed and I had got the whole group to be responsible for any further disruptions.
I cannot say this was the best workshop ever, but we did manage to get through the afternoon with the minimum of interruptions. So what did I learn from this?
That I need to stay focused and in control even when I feel threatened or vulnerable. If I am confident and show it to the participants then they will respect me. I also think that it is very important to be polite and respectful to the heckler. In this case the man had only had a good lunch and was not rude or agressive. Humour can also defuse a situation and although this was an experience I wouldn’t like to repeat I feel that I learnt a lot.

If you have any tips for dealing with hecklers I’d love to hear from you.

Have a good week
Jackie Arnold
jackie@coach4executives.com

Today I was able to launch my first book entitled “Raise Your Glasses Please” - How to deliver a short speech or toast and enjoy doing it! As a result of mentoring people at our local speakers club and coaching people on how to gain more confidence, I wrote a book called “Banish Your Butterflies.” This book was a little similar to another book by the same publisher so they asked if I would write a book on how to deliver short speeches and give toasts. The research was fasinating and I met up with a wide variety of people who gave me tips and hints on how they had crafted their speeches for various occasions. I was pleased to see that a lot of people wanted to know about the toasts quotes & proverbs I was including in the book. It is always useful to use something particularly appropriate or personal when making a short speech.

Did you know that toasting has a very interesting history? I didn’t. Have you heard the reasons for a bride wearing a veil or why we throw rice or confetti at weddings? Have you ever seen or heard a female Toastmaster, do you know what she does? All this and more I discovered when researching this book, it was so interesting. I also discovered that toasting happens all over the world and that there are a wide variety of customs associated with toasting, some of them are included in the book.

Perhaps you have a system for planning and delivering a short speech and inserting a suitable phrase or quote to give it spice. If not have a look at “Raise you Glasses Please” - you may find just what you were looking for! www.amazon.co.uk

Now I have been asked to write another book on public speaking so watch this space. Any tips and hints gratefully received - have you given a good speech in the past at a particular business event or special occasion? Let me know, and if you agree you may see it in print with your name attached.

In order to develop you own distinctive voice you first need to relax into it!

If you are tense your voice will be too. If your breathing is shallow your voice will not project or sound confident. Your vocal cords are muscles and can be greatly enhanced, as singers are aware. No singer would perform without first doing vocal exercises – so speakers should do the same to exercise the most important tool – the vocal cords!
If you breathe correctly from the diaphragm this will get rid of the jitters and the wobbly feelings. This kind of breathing counteracts the panic you feel and allows the body to relax. You can train yourself to respond to fear, not with tension but with relaxation. Use humming as a warm up exercise as this clears the pathways.

Above all be yourself. You are unique and have your own views and opinions. You have great stories to tell and people will be interested to hear them. Think back over your life and find the humour, the tragic, the sad and the eventful. Read newspapers and magazines to stimulate ideas.

If you need to speak on a particular topic, gather all the necessary background information. Weave human interest into the facts as much as possible. Even boring topics can come alive with real life stories and anecdotes.

Connect with your audience by involving them as much as you can. Create rapport by asking hypothetical questions and by smiling and using gestures.

Above all enjoy yourself and your audience will too.