I sometimes ask myself how much I listen to people and how much I talk.   If I ‘m honest I probably talk more than I listen on most training days,  of course I am naturally listening much more when I am coaching. 

So today, as most of the participants were experienced professionals I decided to have a “listening”  coaching style day even though I was actually training.  It was very interesting.

I asked more questions of people in the room and really focused on listening to their answers.  I summarised what people said respectfully and gave them the space and time to explore their ideas and suggestions.  I didn’t butt in with my own ideas but held a professional conversation with people knowing they would come up with solutions. 

During the activities I selected one of the participants to monitor the dialogue and got everyone to feedback to this person while I observed.   We repeated this several times as it was very popular.  I initiated discussions by questioning and reflecting on what had gone before and then just stood back to see what happened.

Naturally they spotted the my style had changed and I asked them if they felt the new way of training was as effective.  The response was very positive.  They enjoyed the freedom to share ideas and expand their thinking.  They liked the way several of the group who did not usually participate came up with ideas and solutions.   The self-monitoring was also popular and even though this coaching style of training was new to them, they really enjoyed it. 

I do not necessarily think this style would always be as successful, particularly if the subject matter was entirely new or the participants were not used to creative thinking.  However I do think that it will always be worth trying in future as the feedback was excellent and I really felt that the participants were stretched in a way that had not happened before in our sessions.

So, my conclusion is that I will listen more in my training sessions in future and I will allow the participants additional space and time.  In actual fact this method saved time as people felt more comfortable and able to speak without feeling pressured.   I will reflect back more what people have said, to enable them to hear their own ideas and suggestions.  

In meetings too I have  introduced more listening time and I know how really valuable this can be.  When people feel heard they are more creative, when they are listened to they feel empowered.  I have a project manager in the team and I have been astounded by how much more she has contributed of late.  Her ideas have flowed and her confidence grown so that she is producing top quality work.

Let’s listen with both ears for it is said that we were born with two so that listening would be more of a priority than speaking – we only have one mouth!  Somehow we have lost that listening ability, lets redress the balance!

“The quality of our listening will determine the quality of their thinking”

Time to think – Nancy Klein

I decided to clear out my clutter today in order to streamline my office and allow my creative juices to flow!

Some of the clutter were old files of my Language School that I sold in 2000 in order to become a business coach.  I looked through the photos and comments from a variety of people including students, teachers, admin staff and group leaders.  I had forgotten just how many people had passed though the doors since the very start of the school in 1988 and how I had managed to survive!  Particularly as there was so many other language schools in Brighton & Hove.

I was certainly not a particularly good leader when I started the school.  I had had a variety of teaching jobs all over the world and some experience of  setting up and managing businesses.   (I had set up a school in Poland and Switzerland too) so those experiences helped but no real experience of managing a large team of people. 

So what qualities are needed to lead a team effectively and how do we build on them so that staff feel motivated?

In my latest book “Coaching Skills for leaders in the Workplace” How to Books 2009, I list these qualities as crucial:

1. Courage – they feel the fear but do it anyway
2. Passion – a love of what they do and the ability to put it over
3. Humility – they know that they are only as good as their own people
4. Perseverance – where there’s a will there’s a way
5. Compassion – they treat others with respect and kindness
6. Forgiveness – they allow people to learn by their mistakes
7. Patience – showing it both for themselves and others
8. Strong values – authentic, trustworthy, reliable, consultative etc
9. Accountability – take responsibility even when things go wrong
10. Great listening skills – they listen and give constructive feedback

A leader is someone who is prepared to consult with others and not dismiss ideas out of hand.  Someone who has a coaching style whilst keeping an eye on the bottom line and being committed to getting results.  The balance is not always easy and as I looked through all my boxes and read the old minutes of various meetings, I realised that it would have been useful to have demonstrated coaching skills whilst running my school. 

So, how can we be the best leaders of our businesses possible? 

Writing down the qualities above is certainly a good reminder.  It allows me to be aware of the lapses and my own deveopment areas.  It is so vital to support and motivate staff and colleagues in times of change and uncertainty. 

Today I will listen more closely to those who come with opinions different to mine.  I will allow them to be heard and take on board what they have to say.   Perhaps just focusing on one quality each week will strengthen it and allow it to grow – I’ll give it a go!

“Between stimulus and response there is a space

In that space is the power to choose our response

In our response lies our growth and out freedom”    Viktor Frankl

I have just published a book entitled “Coaching Skills for Leaders in the Workplace” How to Books 2009

I have tried to address a gap in the market for managers and leaders who are coaching in their own organisations and who are those of you who support your own staff or those from other departments. 

You may be experienced in coaching or mentoring skills and may or may not have any formal qualifications.   You may also have experience or expertise in the above areas that will support your internal coaching.  As internal coaches or mentors you will have greater knowledge and awareness of the successes, failures and challenges that your organisation is facing.  This can be a great advantage but may also get in the way of coaching successfully as you will see from the case studies in the book. 

The debate as to whether line managers make good coaches is still ongoing and there are a variety of opinions.  Personally I feel that, given the right in depth training and optimal circumstances, most line managers can also learn the art of coaching.  You may form your own opinions by the end of the book, please let me hear them.

As I have written this book I have tried to focus on the challenges that face you as an internal coach or mentor who is balancing the dual roles of manager or leader and coach.  Many of you may be using coaching and mentoring skills as part of your existing management/leadership role.  As many of you have told me you may even have been on a management course where there was a coaching or mentoring element.  I am hoping it will also be a useful study guide for those of you I have met on the courses who are training to be workplace coaches or mentors and who may be following the ILM Coaching & Mentoring in Management Qualifications.

The first chapters of the book concentrate on the key communication skills you will need to be an effective coach.  Later you will be encouraged to explore your own views, attitudes and beliefs and to get a sense of how these will inform or get in the way of your own coaching sessions.   You will discover how important it is to understand your own and your organisation’s value systems and how they can have an impact on those you coach. 

Naturally there are both personal and organisational barriers to coaching and mentoring. Through the case studies and examples you will hopefully be able to overcome most of these.  There will sometimes be occasions when coaching is not appropriate or necessary.  If someone is resistant, for example, or not in the right frame of mind, coaching will not be effective.  In this case it is better to wait until the person is ready and comes to the sessions willingly.  This may not always be possible in the workplace and some of the tools in the latter sections of the book may help to unlock some of the resistance. 

If people are well informed, reassured that sessions are confidential and fully understand the process then resistance is less likely.  There is further information and case studies on how to set up agreements and robust processes to maximise success.

If you are considering introducing a coaching or mentoring programme in your organisation you will find useful ideas in a variety of business cases and clear guidelines on how to set up contracts and systems.  There are chapters on Coaching Supervision and the latest trends in coaching for your guidance and further study.  Finally there are several tools and ideas to stimulate thinking and to enable your coaching support to extend your coachee’s parameters.   It is advisable to read the book as it is written, however it is also possible to dip in and out as you wish and according to your own coaching experience.

I hope you enjoy reading this new coaching book and if you are able please visit www.amazon.co.uk to see the 5 existing reviews and add one if you would like to

Jackie

Today I was going to a networking meeting but unfortunately broke down in the pouring rain on the way.  I was, however, well prepared and can therefore go next time with little preparation.

As someone who has been to many networking events I always try to find a different way of being remembered.  Of course business cards are useful but I collect more than I give out as this gives me added contacts.  Today I thought “What prop can I take to enable me to stand out from the crowd?”

I am  a voice coach and presentation skills trainer and have written two books on various aspects of public speaking.  When networking I usually prepare a few questions such as:

You know when people have to chair a meeting and really feel nervous?  or..

Have you ever felt you needed more confidence when addressing a business seminar?  or

How do you think and plan for a business presentation?

However today I decided to make a mock microphone and thrust it under the nose of my speed networking partners!  Have you ever had that done to you? It’s quite scary if you aren’t prepared and people always tell me they get so nervous they can’t think clearly.  Then I proceed to tell them that there are some really useful tips to prepare for even the most last minute situations.  We end up laughing and they feel relieved that the mic isn’t real!!

If you go to networking events on a fairly regular basis you will know that people get tired of hearing the same old lines.  What they never get tired of,  is amusing or genuine stories about your customers or services. 

Last time when I did a 10 mins presentation at a local event I told of a client of mine who had to meet and greet Prince William and introduce him to his staff.  He was simply terrified.  This was a very experienced engineer but he was totally unused to speaking in public.  However, when I asked him to tell me some amusing incidents that had happened during the year he was able to come up with several.  He then wove these stories into his welcoming speech and then introduced some of his staff who had been in the stories (naturally he got their permission first!)   This took the “Oh no now I have to speak in public” fear away as he was, in effect, just telling stories and enjoying the chance to show how hard he and his team had worked. 

My home made microphone has been a great prop in the past.  People always remember it and I was only sorry that today the weather got the better of my car (it needed a new battery!!)

Next time I think I’ll do a competition by numbering my business cards and pulling one out of a hat.  The winner will receive one of my “Speaking on Special Occasions” Hodder Ed. books. – www.howtobooks.com

Step one – Facing the fears

Your speaking fears and 101 tips to speak with success will be addressed in the following blogs 1 – 10

This week I was lucky to be invited to speak at a local Property Networking Club on “Setting and Achieving Goals”   – I was quite nervous as I had not spoken to this group before and I did not know the audience well.  However, I know that nerves are good as they give you a feeling of slight tension and this can be used to your advantage.  After doing some breathing exercises I focused on channeling that nervous tension into excitment and anticipation.  I tried to remember what my strengths were as a speaker and visualised myself in the room actully giving a good speech. I “saw” myself and where I would walk and where I would focus my attention. 

The message we deliver is far more important than our own feelings and I really wanted the audience to go away with something of value.  So here are some tips for the next time you speak (it helps me to remember them too! )  :

One – Top tips for facing your fears of public speaking:

Many people feel that the pressure is on them when asked to speak at a meeting, a family event or a business conference.  Butterflies start flying around and the nerves kick in.  However there are many great strategies to help you and this is the first of 10 tips blogs to help you on that path to speaking success.

1/ Remember that fear makes you sharper and heightens your reflexes – channel the fear so it becomes excitment

2/ Understand that fear usually occurs before your are on the stage – it often goes when you get into your stride.

3/ Use visualisation to “see” yourself giving a successful and interesting talk – do this on a regular basis before you speak

4/ Close your eyes and imagine the audience listening and applauding – tell yourself your message is more important than your impact

5/ Concentrate on what you do well – write down three things

6/ Practice what you feel is a challenge – use a mirror and ask your friends.

7/ Think about your desire to help and inform the audience – it’s not about you.

8/ If you memorise your opening and closing – the middle will take care of itself! (use small cards you can fit in your palm as aids)

9/ Arrive on time and greet as many friendly faces as possible

10/ Imagine you are talking to a group of your friends – “see” them in the audience.

 More tips to follow in subsequent blogs

Jackie

Coaching can be a very effective way of supporting someone to reach or develop a specific goal.  I thought an executive session I did today in was an example of that  – I was using the GROW model (see below) – This employee is a very competent senior manager but can often focus on what is not going well:

Coach/  What would you like to use this session for?

Coachee/  I’d like to explore the promotion I have been offered 

Coach/ What exactly would you like to achieve by the end of this session?

Coachee/ I’d like to come away with more confidence in my abilities (goal)

Coach/ I see, more confidence….what do you think your key strengths are in your current position? (reality)

Coachee/  Well I seem to be organised and manage to achieve the targets I set for myself and others, but I lack confidence when it comes to things like appraisals and team leadership. 

Coach/  So, I heard you say that you are organised and achieve targets.  You also said that others achieve targets you set for them – is that correct? (reality)

Coachee/ Yes, that’s correct. 

Coach/ If that is so then what is it you are doing that motivates them?

Coachee/ I think I am clear in my delegation and people seem to be able to come to me if there is a problem. 

Coach/ So that sounds as if people trust your judgement and feel they can come to you for guidance, does that sound about right?

Coachee/ Well yes I suppose it does.

Coach/ So would you say that you lead your team well currently?

Coachee/ Yes, now I come to explore it I can see that I am competent in some areas .  However I still feel I lack skills in doing appraisals and team leading team meetings.

Coach/ What would give you more confidence in these areas? (options)

Coachee/ Umm  I think taking a training course in appraisals would help and perhaps joining the local speakers club would help me to feel more confident when facing the whole team together. My wife is a member.

Coach/ So what do you think would be a way forward from here? (Will)

Coachee/ Yes, I think joining the speakers club would be useful so I’ll go along to the next meeting.  Would it be possible to get some appraisal training in the near future?

Coach/ Where could you find out about this?

Coachee/  Umm  I’ll ask HR and see if any courses are being offered.

Coach/ Is there anything else?

Coachee/ No not at present.  I have some ideas to take away and work with now.

 Using the GROW model of Goal, Reality, Options and Way forward this employee managed to build on his strengths and go away from the session feeling more confident.  I have noticed that clients often disregard their strengths and focus on their weaknesses.  If as a coach we can help clients to see the areas where they are confident or more experienced they can then build on these.  It is far more motivating to build confidence from a postion of strength.

Jackie

So there I am with my third book published and on the shelves!  But wait a minute what happened to the other two “Raise Your Glasses Please” & “Speaking on Special Occasions”  and how are they selling?  Well, that’s where the fun starts! 

Publishers do what they are good at – they publish and then they do a little bit of marketing for you and then…..it’s up to you!  I will never forget what my agent said when I brought out my first book on Public Speaking –  her very words were “The publishers buy you as much as they buy the book content”  In other words they look for people who can prove they are good at marketing and promotion.  Well I didn’t really believe that until now, because actually my agent was prooved right, it’s all down to the author to get the books noticed and selling.  So people who are famous get their books sold, regardless.  If you are high profile your books will sell just as your name can be lent to an advertisement or a newspaper article. 

So here we are the Jo Bloggs of the world looking to get our books sold and it takes a lot of effort, sweat and a few frustrated tears!  But hey lets not get too downhearted, after all we HAVE written a book, it is out there and our name is on the cover – that feels as if we’ve achieved something. 

So here I am in my office thinking how can I market both myself and my books?  Well I could hire a PR person to help me (could be good as they know who to call and what to say)  I could try phoning the local radio stations and mags to see if they are interested, I might also walk down on Brighton seafront with a banner (think I’ll give that a miss)  You see where I am going with this don’t you?  Short of  causing a scandal (now there’s an idea!) I am at a loss. 

Of course I am a public speaker and I have presented at conferences in the past so that seems like a solution.  However, how do I get myself in front of the right people for my latest book on “Coaching Skills for leaders in the Workplace” (PR agent again? free book ?) Yes I suppose I could contact all the Personal & Professional Development conferences and those doing Business & Career Development etc..Also I am thinking about the Women in Business and Enterprising Women’s conferences too…umm there’s a possibility they may be looking for speakers and presenters. 

last week I was asked to present at a local event on “The mindset of a winner – how to get and achive goals” which was fun – unpaid but at least 30 people could hear about my book and some even bought it!  Still I would like to reach 3000 if at all possible.   I have had some success on Linkedin.  I asked people to write a review on Amazon in exchange for a free copy of my book and I ‘ve had replies from all over the world.  That was a great way of connecting to like -minded people so that worked. 

Any more ideas out there? I’d welcome your experience and hope you have learned a little from mine too.

Jackie