Yesterday I was coaching a client in London who works for a large insurance company in the city.  She has been recently promoted and her current Boss (Mr X) has a totally different approach to that of her previous one (Mr Y).  She has really struggled with this relationship and asked for an executive coach to support her.

After the first couple of sessions she was encouraged to consider the relationship in a different light.  She realised that she had expected the same reactions and attitude from Mr Y as she had had from Mr X.  She began to consider that it may be partly due to her own behaviour that was having an effect on the relationship. She had been so happy with her former Boss she had begun resenting the current one and was feeling angry and frustrated as a result.

She began to look at the differences in character of both men and consider ways of working positively with Mr Y.  She understood that this relationship may not be as ideal as the previous one but she loved her job and wanted to make things work.

After the forth coaching session she had come up with alternative ways of working and had gained the respect of her team and her current Boss.  She had noticed that he disliked certain methods of communication and that by adapting her style she could ensure a more positive response.  She explained the ways of working she had been used to and her new Boss was also prepared to take that into account and make small but significant changes.  So much so, that his own behaviour towards her improved and she was able to move forward more positively.

We all have different filters and ways at looking at things that will be different from those of others.  We do not need to throw out our own beliefs and personal views, just understand that others may not share them.  If we are prepared to look at situations and relationships with an element of flexibility we may find that others respond differently and that they may surprise us.