Well it’s that time again. This is where we all make those great resolutions and then we make excuses when they are not fulfilled? Or perhaps you don’t – perhaps you have decided to really note down the goals so that they are easily achievable. Small chunks that are easy to tick off.

I am currently writing my second book “Speaking on Special Occasions” I need to write 60.000 words by the end of Feb. Will I do it – to be honest I am not sure but I am hopeful. I suppose the reason for this is that I have visualised myself with my new book in my hand. The shiney new red cover and the people who have asked me to do this being happy that they have it to refer to. Visualisation is a great way to make things happen. Today I have broken the 30.000 barrier – YES! But that still means another 30.000 in six weeks (One I am away skiing)

So what have I done? I have taken a green marker pen and written down the weekly targets – the number of words I need to complete each week. This makes the task easier as it is broken down into sizable chunks. I have also told myself that I will buy myself a small present if I reach my target. If I don’t I will pay £50 to charity. This way everyone wins!

Oh yes and I have visualised myself giving a signing at the spring conferences and at Borders surrounded by my newly published books on the table in front of me. It’s a great incentive as I can’t let myself down now – it’s in my BLOG!

Why not try the same with your goals? You might just make it.

Jackie Arnold

A theme has arisen this week where I have had a couple of clients question me on being assertive and handling aggressive people. I remember being taught to stay calm and speak quietly when faced with aggression but lets look at that for a moment. If you feel angry or upset about something and you go to someone who says quietly and calmly “Yes, I see…Yes, well no need to get angry” or “Oh dear you are upset, calm down” How does that make you feel? Do you feel frustrated and even more angry when someone is so calm and quiet? Does it even make you want to try and make the other person feel like you do too? At least then they would understand wouldn’t they?

If you know about NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) you will know that this has a completely different take on handling aggression. In NLP terms “pacing” is a technique that I have found invaluable. Not just for handling anger and disruption during a speech but also in day to day discussions and when coaching executives. If you “match” the other person’s tone and pace BUT use positive calming language the effects are much better. If we take the example of someone who challenges a speaker duing a presentation. Let’s assume they suddenly shout out “What did you say, I strongly disagree with that view, no way is that correct” Not following the NLP route you may respond calmly “Please, I’d prefer it if you wouldn’t interrupt the session” This could lead to further comments or angry remarks as usually the “disrupter” is wanting attention. Following the NLP model you would respond as follows: Keeping the same tone and pace “Yes I see you strongly disagree with me and I’d like to hear your views, let’s speak after my presentation” This has two concequences: Firstly it shows that you respect the “disrupter” even though they have not respected you and second that you have really heard what he said as you used “his” or “her” language. (another NLP technique) and matched the pace and tone of the person. Also it enables you both to save face in a difficult situation.
It is very useful to stop and consider just who these supposedly “difficult disruptive people” are. As a matter of fact they are just like you or me but at this time they are feeling anxious, hurt or frustrated. They may feel powerless to express their opinion and this comes out more aggressive in the heat of the moment then they had intended. It is always up to you and your attitude and demeanour in a situation like this. If you stay in control, speak with authority and remain calm but firm, you will win through. It is up to you whether or not you allow one person to disrupt your speech. There will always be the typical “know-it-all” and the eager “must-get –a word-in” or the sarcastic “you must be joking” types. It is they who have the problem and are seeking attention or a sense of personal worth. Keep in mind that most people will want to hear what you have to say, so keep your cool and stay focused. Above all do not take the disturbance personally or let it affect your delivery.
Jackie Arnold

Well! It isn’t often you get asked to speak on BBC radio 2 on the high profile Steve Wright show but that is exactly what happened to me last week.

My book “Raise Your Glasses Please” is a book giving tips and hints for writing short punchy speeches and giving toasts at events and weddings.  It includes quotes and jokes and even limericks that you can integrate into your speeches.
Lisa Turbuck interviewed me and she was very relaxed, which was helpful, as all the activity going on around was quite distracting. I found that after taking several deep breaths and focusing on her questions that the interview jogged along nicely and I ended up enjoying myself!
She wanted to know why people sometimes dry up. I replied that if we get to the source of the fear and then work on getting people to feel more confident and relaxed they will not get into that state of mind.  Keeping a glass of water handy is alos helpful.  Then you can pause, take a sip and then resume. When taking this pause you have the chance to gather your thoughts, and the audience likewise.

Lisa asked what make’s a Best Man’s speech go well. I mentioned the three P’s – Plan Prepare and Practice.  First plan your speech well and find out some interesting or amusing stories about the groom.  Ask what hobbies or interests he has.  Find out if he ever did anything really daring or particularly unusual.  Prepare some props to give your stories more visual impact. Then practice, practice and practice again. Only when you are sure of your speech can you start to enjoy it.

As I said to Lisa during the interview, speaking really can be so much fun.
She also asked me about the Toastmaster Speaking clubs that can be found all over the world.  In the UK there are at least one or two in every major city and in London alone there are over 20 clubs.  You have a wonderful safe place to practice and get really excellent feedback on what you do well and how to develop as a speaker.  For less than £100 a year!  In 2001 I started a club in Brighton & Hove and we now have a regular 30-40 members of all ages and walks of life.  It’s a great social club too and everone is very supportive.

Lisa finished up by asking me about the best and worst speakers I had heard. I mentioned Winston Churchill as being one of the great orators and Tony Blair wasn’t bad either.  I mentioned George Brown could do with getting his voice out of his chest and that Chris Evans gets squeeky when he runs out of breath.  He speaks too fast and forgets to breathe!

All in all it was a very interesting experience and I would reccommend it. Let’s end with a quote form the book:
“Speaking in public is a lot like black coffee, very stimulating and just as difficult to sleep after”

Jackie Arnold
Voice Coach